Never say, "Oops!"; always say, "Ah, interesting!"
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. - Jackie Mason
"If English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!" -Priest in Little Rock, Arkansas; regarding the teaching of spanish as a second language in public schools (against it, of course).
"[Sigh] Alas yet again you have mistaken me for someone who actually gives a damn." -Alured Popple